thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
