If that was your dad, he is hot
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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