My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
