I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
