obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
