Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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