Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
