She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
