every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
