I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
