Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
