Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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