I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
