in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's never too late to be topless.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
