so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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