I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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