i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I am never drinking with the goths again.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
