I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
