It's like a parade of train wrecks.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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