It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
