All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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