He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You are a genius and a whore.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
