She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
