actually, I'm a sock model
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
