After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
