id be glad to
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
