His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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