At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
