She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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