would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
