oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
