By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
