I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
