i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
where am i from again
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
