My balls are so social today.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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