Me. At least after what I've been through.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
