bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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