And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
