you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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