I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She's the barista slut.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
