Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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