I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
