I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
