Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
