he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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