I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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