Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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