I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
