I CAN MOONWALK!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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