she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
